courtney

Wed, 08 Sep 2004 20:07:10 GMT

I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND...I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND...I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND...

east coast baby...

Thu, 12 Aug 2004 01:26:46 GMT

so i've been officially living in providence for two weeks now. i love it here. its taken me a bit longer than expected to get all adjusted and situated, but i'm getting there. its amazing to be able to see timmie often. but i usually see him on the weekends, which makes the week just drag by. although i'm sure once we get into the swing of things with ballet, i'll be wishing i had free time like i have now. i guess we may possibly end up touring to yugoslavia at the end of the season. that would be amazing and i really hope we get to go. i had my first casino experience this past weekend in connecticut and i basically suck at gambling. perhaps i'm too much of a tight-wad. either way, i lost 50 bucks and was done with gambling at that point. i found out that my dad won a trip to hawaii on the radio today. how come i don't have luck like that??? not fair. but oh well, im glad my parents can go on a fabulous vacation. they deserve it and need it i'm sure. well...thats all for now i guess...

Sun, 18 Jul 2004 22:12:59 GMT

my mouth is swollen. its almost like i have a bee sting or something near the bottom of my gum in the back of my mouth. i can't eat, can't talk, hurts to even open my mouth. this is great...and everytime i do try to open my mouth...i drool uncontrollably. fabulous.

Tue, 13 Jul 2004 20:53:52 GMT

12 more days, 12 more days...

i love providence

Tue, 06 Jul 2004 23:55:24 GMT

so i spent 40 hours in the car the past few days driving from michigan to indiana, from indiana to rhode island, from rhode island to massachusetts and then back to rhode island and then from rhode island back to michigan. it was ridiculous but i'm all moved into my new apartment and i love it! and we can walk to the studio in like 5 minutes which is nice. i got to see my timmie which was the most amazing thing for me. i think thats all i needed. i hadn't seen him in nearly 3 months and it was torturous. so we spent the weekend together in my new place and it was fabulous. i forgot how nice it is to have my boyfriend around all the time. amazing. i just went out to dinner with my lil man (chase) and it was actually really nice. he's so head over heels for this girl that it just makes me giggle. i know that feeling and its wonderful. then i made him go to victorias secret with me...hahahahahaha that was great. sometimes we're so close and sometimes so far apart. but i guess thats how it is with siblings, especially at our ages. he's a good kid though and i do love him even though sometimes he's a real nutbag. well, off to do laundry and RELAX for once. 19 more days and i'm out of michigan for good. well, besides visiting the fam, but i'll be an official east coaster. can't wait...

so let me slip against the current...

Thu, 17 Jun 2004 23:33:21 GMT

i guess telling people what is bothering you really does help to solve things. too bad it only took me 21 years to figure that out. oh well, like they say, better late than never. i'm beginning to realize that i need very few people in my life to keep my happy. i've realized very quickly that i really have very few friends, people that remember i exist and actually give a shit whats going on in my life. college is basically good for nothing when it comes to a social life. on a daily basis, i talk to 4 people. my mom, my dad, timmie and shana. c'est tout. i realized that you become unimportant to most people but i'm over it. i'm over trying because at this point i don't care anymore. and weird how people remember you exist when you are gone. why is it always like that? but time to start a new phase in life anyways and i'm sure that will have a million new and crazy things in store for me. i become a new englander in a month and i couldnt be more excited about it. wicked cool...

Sun, 13 Jun 2004 16:03:08 GMT

maybe so...but it still sucks...

WOW

Wed, 09 Jun 2004 21:37:38 GMT

so i kind of forgot that my livejournal even existed. well, that and i wasn't too keen on sharing information with people at the time. or maybe i just didnt have time. who knows. at any rate, here i am...almost 22, graduated from college, with a job i'm totally thrilled about, a fabulous boyfriend, a fabulous new apartment, a fabulous new car, very few but very good friends (none of which live anywhere near me which is the most depressing thing ever)...and yet somehow, i don't feel fabulous. not even happy in fact. i dont really know what the main issue is right now. i guess i couldn't really identify one. lots of changes are coming on, which is good...i need change. i guess maybe things are just changing slower than i would like. my family is being torn apart thanks to the moron i call my brother. won't get into that but jesus...get a fucking clue kid! maybe i just miss timmie terribly (which i do) and i feel like i can't be happy here without him. i mean granted, we've been doing the long distance thing for almost a year now and its worked fine until now. i think i'm just impatient and being in michigan makes me irritable. after living away from home for 4 years and coming back to this (not that rochester is a bad place) but i had few friends at school and even fewer here. and the friends i have here are still learning to tie their shoes. so that makes going out for a relaxing after work cocktail a little tough. i think i am lonely. i know i am. but i think its something i'm gonna have to get used to. besides timmie i guess i dont really have anyone else to rely on but myself...especially when i move to providence in a few months. but i'm super excited for that. 44 more days and i'm out...but i'm not counting or anything...

back in bloomy!

Sat, 16 Aug 2003 16:17:42 GMT

so i'm back in bloomy...well, i've been back since tuesday. my apartment looks amazing, mostly due to my parents' generosity. but i'm loving it. just a little boring here though, since very few people are back yet. but the boy comes today so i'm psyched for that, and then everyone else should be here by wednesday afternoon so we can go celebrate me being a LEGAL ADULT!!! i can't believe i'm actually turning 21. i have been waiting for this day for a long time. i just hope people believe that i really am 21! oh well, whatever...its good to look young right??? i'm just happy to be back in my domain where i'm happy and comfortable. i didnt mind being home at all really, except for the fact that i have absolutely no friends at home. but the summer went by pretty quickly and suprisingly i got along with everyone, no major arguments or anything. so it was very pleasant. i was sad to see my parents leave, but happy to be independent again. this year will be nuts. 21, graduating in december...who knows what this year will hold for me. i guess we'll find out soon enough!

i hate cats...

Wed, 25 Jun 2003 14:41:41 GMT

You are Custard from Strawberry Shortcake! Ahh, you
live the good life. You're cute, loved by all,
and you enjoy simple things - a warm bed, sunny
days, yummy desserts, and a good belly-
scratching.

Which Forgotten 80s Cartoon Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

random

Fri, 20 Jun 2003 02:05:47 GMT

its good to know that there are people out there who think about me and i dont even know it. theres people that i think about sometimes...who i'm sure dont know i still think about them. i dont think its sad that i "dont even realize i'm a hottie yet". thats part of what makes me who i am. i like it and i'm getting used to it and other people seem drawn to it too, so i like to think its not the physical aspect. it would be nice to hear from people...I STILL HAVE THE SAME CELL PHONE NUMBER...but i'm kind of leary about making first moves anymore. i guess we'll see what this summer brings around. i mean i go back to b-town in 6 weeks. i guess we'll see. i'm getting kicked out now...

the shit is about to hit the fan...

Thu, 29 May 2003 00:33:52 GMT

i dont know whats about to go down in my house...but its not gonna be pretty. lets just say, lil bro is in BIG TROUBLE. anyways, its boring as hell here. i dont mind being with the fam, and mom seems especially happy to have me home. all i do is work and babysit. but i need the money so i guess i can deal. its only been two and a half weeks and it feels like its been an eternity. i miss the boy. i miss the freedom. i miss no responsibilities. is it almost august yet???

je pense seulement de toi...

Wed, 07 May 2003 23:55:36 GMT

i dont like the rain, but for some reason its not bothering me today. maybe because i'm so happy otherwise that it couldn't bring me down. is this really happening? did i actually find a man that i could belong to forever? ok i know i know, i'm being way naieve here, but still...i dont think i've ever felt like this. and the admiration is equal. and he whispers in my ear in french and it makes my want to die cuz it drives me so insane (in a good way). he values family the same way i do, has goals, is confident in himself, is mature! imagine that! and he can't get enough of me. this is nuts. and why am i coming home for the summer? oh yeah...i need to make money. too bad...i'll just have to wait till august. maybe topher is right though, maybe longing is good.

long time, no updates...

Wed, 30 Apr 2003 16:30:29 GMT

ok so i got over my dramatic depression episode. it seemed a lot more dramatic than it actually was. basically i just spent all my time completely alone cuz everyone was pissing me off. but i'm ok now. actually i'm great! its beautiful outside, school is almost done, i turn 21 soon, i graduate next semester, new boy...things are crazy. yeah so little 5 was this weekend and that was fun. i took lil bro to a party saturday night that ended up getting so busted but niether of us were drinking so it was fine. he was scared though. poor lil guy and his first college experiences with his nutty sister. oh well. then saturday i spent the entire day partying with shan and the hoosier courts crew. it was tons o fun in the sun. the entrances were blocked off and being garded and the managament threw a bbq so there really wasn't a chance of that getting busted. what a blast. upside down margaritas are my new favorite thing! it was good to hang with shan too cuz we havent partied together in a while. i miss her. ended up meeting alvi...who is my new obsession. why do i have to meet him right before i go home??? such is my luck i guess. he's staying here for the summer and i was originally going to. then depression hit and i changed my mind and decided to go home. and now i want to stay here cuz he's staying. but i dont think i can change my plans for a boy, no matter how much i really want to. going home will be boring. but it will be my last time living at home. scary. i only have 8 months till graduation but i really just cant wait for next year to start. things should be good. cody and i will be rockin it here, i'll have my buddies to hang with, and hopefully this thing with alvi will still be going as well as it is now. its hard to say with these things what will happen. we're so obsessed with each other right now its ridiculous. so we'll see what continues to happen as the year finishes up and the summer runs its course. i mean it can't be that bad can it? i guess only time will tell...why do things always get so great right before we leave????

wtf

Mon, 21 Apr 2003 05:11:02 GMT

BULLSHIT...its all fucking bullshit. not an ounce of true, genuine anything. dont be fake, dont give a damn about anything that should mean something to you. i just hope you eventually realize it. sometimes i wish i didnt have scars so i could make them all over again. or maybe just start over. who gives a shit anyways...

boys suck

Sat, 12 Apr 2003 20:32:24 GMT

i hate boys. ok i dont. but i mean really now. what the hell is going on? how can 1 second i be sworn off of boys and completely content being alone...and actually really truly enjoying it. and now...the most desirable thing? what is going on?????? where are these boys coming from? and why do they all of a sudden all want me? or am i making this up? between justin, garcia, beau, seydel...why are you doing this? and now i dont know what i'm doing. guess i just have to go with the flow...

disappointed

Fri, 11 Apr 2003 05:18:52 GMT

its just one of those things i suppose...or one of those times when i seem to be the only one going through some huge life change. i'm in anti-social mode, but i blatantly know i'm doing it. i'm always alone and often lonely...but i dont want anyone around me. what is that all about? i dont get comfort or joy from being around anyone. its really sad. i go to bed at night really unfulfilled for the day just because theres no one i can talk to. i mean there are a few people that i do talk to and can kind of connect to...but they dont even seem to notice or care that something is different and not quite right with me. although its my problem so i guess i shouldn't be expecting people to pick up the pieces for me. it would just be nice for once to have other people open their fucking eyes and notice that i'm the one that needs a shoulder to lean on. i can't always be the one helping everyone else. its getting to the point when i'm realizing (sadly) that i do everything for everyone and get very little in return. its not i give all i have to give and everyone walks all over me. i am finally getting fed up with it and not taking everyones shit anymore. i thought i had friends then i realized i really dont. its ok i guess because i'd rather realize it now...and i am realizing that the only person i can count in is me. cuz i'm the only one that can save myself. but do i really want to be saved? am i right to be annoyed and pissed? cuz i kind of am...i just try and ignore it. i'm so sick of everyone and they're bullshit need to get trashed and party all the fucking time. its stupid. i would rather sit at home alone on my couch. OH WAIT...I DO THAT ALL THE TIME. whatever. i just dont give a shit tomorrow. i could die tomorrow and i would be offended by the people that came to my funeral and pretended that they gave a shit. because right now not one goddam person has proven a thing to me. my parents care and thats all i can expect from this world. i think i'm meant to always be alone...

Thu, 10 Apr 2003 23:47:07 GMT

you don't see me at all....

oh boy...

Sun, 06 Apr 2003 19:31:36 GMT

courtney, keep reminding yourself that you enjoy being alone. alone takes on so many different meanings though. why do i often feel alone and forgotten? i'm not going to sit on my phone on a saturday night calling everyone until i find something to do. i'd rather just sit at home on the couch in my jammies...alone...watching a sad movie so that i have some reason to say that i'm crying. but then again i often feel numb to the fact that i'm realizing i have no one. i think my friends forgot about me...but it must have just been tonight because they were all so busy...but why does it keep happening? i guess it doesnt matter. i dont really care. or do i? no, just tell yourself you dont. but then who were you waiting on? who the hell was gonna call you? you remember you have very few friends to count on in the first place. so then you turn to your parents. you call home, they are eating dinner and dont want the interruption. can you call back later? yeah, you'll call back later. but you dont. and they dont call you back either. sad movie is over. no more reasons to cry. so instead emerse yourself in your ocd tendencies and clean. and clean, and take the garbage out, and do all the dishes, and take the dog out, and do the laundry...but now what? everything is clean. and you're still alone. phone rings...who is it? boy. a boy. you dont want a boy remember? you have sworn off of the male species for the time being and dont want to go back any time soon. no more being treated like shit. but thats just it...he doesnt treat you like shit. not even close. he's almost too good to you. is that possible? courtney you dont want a boy...remember you like being alone now...

off the heezy...

Sun, 23 Mar 2003 19:26:17 GMT

so spring break was off the heeeeeezy! ha (scott and i thought we were black the entire time). it was fun though. we chilled in b-town for a few days and just watched tv and slept and ate. so that was nice and relaxing. then we went to chicago and lived it up there. the stories are insane but we had a good time. and now back in bloomington, reality sets in. i have so much work to do this week and next, not to mention this is tech week for the spring ballet which is this coming weekend, so i'll be at the theater all night every night. NOT COOL. i have so much to do and so little time. i thought i was all prepared for this stuff. nope. oh well, i'll manage. i always do...

nothing

Sun, 16 Mar 2003 17:34:37 GMT

i love doing nothing at all...it's amazing. i need to find a job for the summer. why do i feel like thats gonna be no fun at all? oh yeah, because it probably wont. but if sam and i work together...that might make it 1,000 times more enjoyable.

i wish i was jewish so it was legit to say OY all the time

Thu, 13 Mar 2003 01:59:53 GMT

oh my gosh my life is insane! between the drunk guy arguing with us at steak and shake, the two flat tires and being stranded in ohio at 2 in the morning incident, my rowdy meeting with virginia cesbron where i basically got the "you're a disappointment" talk, the unreal z100 lecture we did on ballet where vc came drunk off her ass and insulted every girl in the class, and being hit on by a gross 24 year old guy on the bus...i am not sure things could get any stranger. but after a few days of mega depression, i've snapped out of it and i'm all right. i'm loving this whole having no hair thing. why did it take me so long to cut it? oh well, i'm enjoying it now. surprisingly, i'm also really really enjoying being single and independent. its taken me a long time to get to this point but i'm so sick of guys treating me like shit that i'm just over it. i like being just me and doing what i want to do when i want to do it and not having to worry about anyone else but my few close friends. i'm taking time to do things just for me now, and thats something i've needed to do for awhile. spring break is just around the corner, and that will be a blast. scotty and i on the loose...WATCH OUT. no telling how rowdy thats gonna be. things are ok. sometimes it just really sucks, but things are ok.

blech

Fri, 21 Feb 2003 16:59:07 GMT

sick is a sad place to be. i need to get the hell out of bloomington. so, i decided to make the trek home next weekend. i dont think i've ever been so excited to go home before. i just want people to be nice and loving and actually give two shits about me. and the fam is excited to see me too, which is always nice. this city's made us crazy and we must get out!!!!

SEE...

Wed, 19 Feb 2003 23:32:51 GMT

I HATE BALLET!!! actually, i love it...that's the problem. i hate susie and i hate vc and i hate negative body images and fat talks and pity parts and paying 25,000 a year for doing not a goddamn thing! fuck it all.

um...oops

Sun, 16 Feb 2003 18:05:31 GMT

guess that last one was a little over the top, but i was upset. i'm sick of getting dicked over by boys. and why does it seem to keep happening? cuz i go after the wrong guys? this is what my mother thinks. she says "you need someone older who is confident and approaches you because they think 'she's attractive; i'd like to meet her'". um...yeah. when does that ever happen??? oh well. on the prowl again and its fun but i'm not taking it too seriously right now. too many other concerns floating around, like avoiding the fat talk at ballet, or the "you're a disappointment" talk, or anything like that. i need to start taking my future more seriously. i think i have all this time and really when it comes down to it, i don't. i keep avoiding it for some reason and i don't know why. i don't know if i'm scared or if i think i'll just be fine or what. but i need to get my act together. at least i'm having more fun now though. ellie and i spend entirely too much time together but we love it. we are nearly the exact same person and its creepy! but we just have so much fun together and all we do is laugh. i think people are upset with us because its always just the two of us and we never invite anyone else to hang out, but really we don't want anyone else around, unless its shannon or scotty or someone like that. they're annoying us though. and thats not cool. at least susie p is outta my life for the time being. thats enough to make me happy! so yeah...