Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in courtney's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, September 8th, 2004
4:04 pm	I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND...I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND...I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND... Current Mood: loved Current Music: the beatles...revolver (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 11th, 2004
9:22 pm	east coast baby... so i've been officially living in providence for two weeks now. i love it here. its taken me a bit longer than expected to get all adjusted and situated, but i'm getting there. its amazing to be able to see timmie often. but i usually see him on the weekends, which makes the week just drag by. although i'm sure once we get into the swing of things with ballet, i'll be wishing i had free time like i have now. i guess we may possibly end up touring to yugoslavia at the end of the season. that would be amazing and i really hope we get to go. i had my first casino experience this past weekend in connecticut and i basically suck at gambling. perhaps i'm too much of a tight-wad. either way, i lost 50 bucks and was done with gambling at that point. i found out that my dad won a trip to hawaii on the radio today. how come i don't have luck like that??? not fair. but oh well, im glad my parents can go on a fabulous vacation. they deserve it and need it i'm sure. well...thats all for now i guess... Current Mood: content Current Music: the beatles (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 18th, 2004
6:08 pm	my mouth is swollen. its almost like i have a bee sting or something near the bottom of my gum in the back of my mouth. i can't eat, can't talk, hurts to even open my mouth. this is great...and everytime i do try to open my mouth...i drool uncontrollably. fabulous. Current Mood: uncomfortable Current Music: juvenile "slow motion" (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 13th, 2004
4:52 pm	12 more days, 12 more days... Current Mood: anxious Current Music: random office noises (i'm still at work...) (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 6th, 2004
7:45 pm	i love providence so i spent 40 hours in the car the past few days driving from michigan to indiana, from indiana to rhode island, from rhode island to massachusetts and then back to rhode island and then from rhode island back to michigan. it was ridiculous but i'm all moved into my new apartment and i love it! and we can walk to the studio in like 5 minutes which is nice. i got to see my timmie which was the most amazing thing for me. i think thats all i needed. i hadn't seen him in nearly 3 months and it was torturous. so we spent the weekend together in my new place and it was fabulous. i forgot how nice it is to have my boyfriend around all the time. amazing. i just went out to dinner with my lil man (chase) and it was actually really nice. he's so head over heels for this girl that it just makes me giggle. i know that feeling and its wonderful. then i made him go to victorias secret with me...hahahahahaha that was great. sometimes we're so close and sometimes so far apart. but i guess thats how it is with siblings, especially at our ages. he's a good kid though and i do love him even though sometimes he's a real nutbag. well, off to do laundry and RELAX for once. 19 more days and i'm out of michigan for good. well, besides visiting the fam, but i'll be an official east coaster. can't wait... Current Mood: content Current Music: musiq "i just wanna know your name" (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 17th, 2004
7:24 pm	so let me slip against the current... i guess telling people what is bothering you really does help to solve things. too bad it only took me 21 years to figure that out. oh well, like they say, better late than never. i'm beginning to realize that i need very few people in my life to keep my happy. i've realized very quickly that i really have very few friends, people that remember i exist and actually give a shit whats going on in my life. college is basically good for nothing when it comes to a social life. on a daily basis, i talk to 4 people. my mom, my dad, timmie and shana. c'est tout. i realized that you become unimportant to most people but i'm over it. i'm over trying because at this point i don't care anymore. and weird how people remember you exist when you are gone. why is it always like that? but time to start a new phase in life anyways and i'm sure that will have a million new and crazy things in store for me. i become a new englander in a month and i couldnt be more excited about it. wicked cool... Current Mood: predatory Current Music: starship "we built this city" (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 13th, 2004
12:00 pm	maybe so...but it still sucks... Current Mood: indifferent Current Music: slum village "selfish" (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 9th, 2004
5:28 pm	WOW so i kind of forgot that my livejournal even existed. well, that and i wasn't too keen on sharing information with people at the time. or maybe i just didnt have time. who knows. at any rate, here i am...almost 22, graduated from college, with a job i'm totally thrilled about, a fabulous boyfriend, a fabulous new apartment, a fabulous new car, very few but very good friends (none of which live anywhere near me which is the most depressing thing ever)...and yet somehow, i don't feel fabulous. not even happy in fact. i dont really know what the main issue is right now. i guess i couldn't really identify one. lots of changes are coming on, which is good...i need change. i guess maybe things are just changing slower than i would like. my family is being torn apart thanks to the moron i call my brother. won't get into that but jesus...get a fucking clue kid! maybe i just miss timmie terribly (which i do) and i feel like i can't be happy here without him. i mean granted, we've been doing the long distance thing for almost a year now and its worked fine until now. i think i'm just impatient and being in michigan makes me irritable. after living away from home for 4 years and coming back to this (not that rochester is a bad place) but i had few friends at school and even fewer here. and the friends i have here are still learning to tie their shoes. so that makes going out for a relaxing after work cocktail a little tough. i think i am lonely. i know i am. but i think its something i'm gonna have to get used to. besides timmie i guess i dont really have anyone else to rely on but myself...especially when i move to providence in a few months. but i'm super excited for that. 44 more days and i'm out...but i'm not counting or anything... Current Mood: discontent Current Music: modest mouse (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, August 15th, 2003
11:10 am	back in bloomy! so i'm back in bloomy...well, i've been back since tuesday. my apartment looks amazing, mostly due to my parents' generosity. but i'm loving it. just a little boring here though, since very few people are back yet. but the boy comes today so i'm psyched for that, and then everyone else should be here by wednesday afternoon so we can go celebrate me being a LEGAL ADULT!!! i can't believe i'm actually turning 21. i have been waiting for this day for a long time. i just hope people believe that i really am 21! oh well, whatever...its good to look young right??? i'm just happy to be back in my domain where i'm happy and comfortable. i didnt mind being home at all really, except for the fact that i have absolutely no friends at home. but the summer went by pretty quickly and suprisingly i got along with everyone, no major arguments or anything. so it was very pleasant. i was sad to see my parents leave, but happy to be independent again. this year will be nuts. 21, graduating in december...who knows what this year will hold for me. i guess we'll find out soon enough! Current Mood: chipper (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 25th, 2003
10:40 am	i hate cats... You are Custard from Strawberry Shortcake! Ahh, you live the good life. You're cute, loved by all, and you enjoy simple things - a warm bed, sunny days, yummy desserts, and a good belly- scratching. Which Forgotten 80s Cartoon Character Are You? brought to you by Quizilla Current Mood: bored Current Music: office noise..yeah, i'm supposed to be working (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 19th, 2003
10:03 pm	random its good to know that there are people out there who think about me and i dont even know it. theres people that i think about sometimes...who i'm sure dont know i still think about them. i dont think its sad that i "dont even realize i'm a hottie yet". thats part of what makes me who i am. i like it and i'm getting used to it and other people seem drawn to it too, so i like to think its not the physical aspect. it would be nice to hear from people...I STILL HAVE THE SAME CELL PHONE NUMBER...but i'm kind of leary about making first moves anymore. i guess we'll see what this summer brings around. i mean i go back to b-town in 6 weeks. i guess we'll see. i'm getting kicked out now... Current Mood: tired Current Music: mom and dad telling me to get out of their room (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 28th, 2003
8:27 pm	the shit is about to hit the fan... i dont know whats about to go down in my house...but its not gonna be pretty. lets just say, lil bro is in BIG TROUBLE. anyways, its boring as hell here. i dont mind being with the fam, and mom seems especially happy to have me home. all i do is work and babysit. but i need the money so i guess i can deal. its only been two and a half weeks and it feels like its been an eternity. i miss the boy. i miss the freedom. i miss no responsibilities. is it almost august yet??? Current Mood: indifferent Current Music: something corporate "i want to save you" (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 7th, 2003
6:50 am	je pense seulement de toi... i dont like the rain, but for some reason its not bothering me today. maybe because i'm so happy otherwise that it couldn't bring me down. is this really happening? did i actually find a man that i could belong to forever? ok i know i know, i'm being way naieve here, but still...i dont think i've ever felt like this. and the admiration is equal. and he whispers in my ear in french and it makes my want to die cuz it drives me so insane (in a good way). he values family the same way i do, has goals, is confident in himself, is mature! imagine that! and he can't get enough of me. this is nuts. and why am i coming home for the summer? oh yeah...i need to make money. too bad...i'll just have to wait till august. maybe topher is right though, maybe longing is good. Current Mood: giddy Current Music: something corporate "konstantine" (my eternal favorite) (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 29th, 2003
10:16 pm	long time, no updates... ok so i got over my dramatic depression episode. it seemed a lot more dramatic than it actually was. basically i just spent all my time completely alone cuz everyone was pissing me off. but i'm ok now. actually i'm great! its beautiful outside, school is almost done, i turn 21 soon, i graduate next semester, new boy...things are crazy. yeah so little 5 was this weekend and that was fun. i took lil bro to a party saturday night that ended up getting so busted but niether of us were drinking so it was fine. he was scared though. poor lil guy and his first college experiences with his nutty sister. oh well. then saturday i spent the entire day partying with shan and the hoosier courts crew. it was tons o fun in the sun. the entrances were blocked off and being garded and the managament threw a bbq so there really wasn't a chance of that getting busted. what a blast. upside down margaritas are my new favorite thing! it was good to hang with shan too cuz we havent partied together in a while. i miss her. ended up meeting alvi...who is my new obsession. why do i have to meet him right before i go home??? such is my luck i guess. he's staying here for the summer and i was originally going to. then depression hit and i changed my mind and decided to go home. and now i want to stay here cuz he's staying. but i dont think i can change my plans for a boy, no matter how much i really want to. going home will be boring. but it will be my last time living at home. scary. i only have 8 months till graduation but i really just cant wait for next year to start. things should be good. cody and i will be rockin it here, i'll have my buddies to hang with, and hopefully this thing with alvi will still be going as well as it is now. its hard to say with these things what will happen. we're so obsessed with each other right now its ridiculous. so we'll see what continues to happen as the year finishes up and the summer runs its course. i mean it can't be that bad can it? i guess only time will tell...why do things always get so great right before we leave???? Current Mood: hopeful Current Music: bright eyes "something vague" (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, April 21st, 2003
12:04 am	wtf BULLSHIT...its all fucking bullshit. not an ounce of true, genuine anything. dont be fake, dont give a damn about anything that should mean something to you. i just hope you eventually realize it. sometimes i wish i didnt have scars so i could make them all over again. or maybe just start over. who gives a shit anyways... Current Mood: angry (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 12th, 2003
2:26 pm	boys suck i hate boys. ok i dont. but i mean really now. what the hell is going on? how can 1 second i be sworn off of boys and completely content being alone...and actually really truly enjoying it. and now...the most desirable thing? what is going on?????? where are these boys coming from? and why do they all of a sudden all want me? or am i making this up? between justin, garcia, beau, seydel...why are you doing this? and now i dont know what i'm doing. guess i just have to go with the flow... Current Mood: confused Current Music: goo goo dolls "the big machine" (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 9th, 2003
11:03 pm	disappointed its just one of those things i suppose...or one of those times when i seem to be the only one going through some huge life change. i'm in anti-social mode, but i blatantly know i'm doing it. i'm always alone and often lonely...but i dont want anyone around me. what is that all about? i dont get comfort or joy from being around anyone. its really sad. i go to bed at night really unfulfilled for the day just because theres no one i can talk to. i mean there are a few people that i do talk to and can kind of connect to...but they dont even seem to notice or care that something is different and not quite right with me. although its my problem so i guess i shouldn't be expecting people to pick up the pieces for me. it would just be nice for once to have other people open their fucking eyes and notice that i'm the one that needs a shoulder to lean on. i can't always be the one helping everyone else. its getting to the point when i'm realizing (sadly) that i do everything for everyone and get very little in return. its not i give all i have to give and everyone walks all over me. i am finally getting fed up with it and not taking everyones shit anymore. i thought i had friends then i realized i really dont. its ok i guess because i'd rather realize it now...and i am realizing that the only person i can count in is me. cuz i'm the only one that can save myself. but do i really want to be saved? am i right to be annoyed and pissed? cuz i kind of am...i just try and ignore it. i'm so sick of everyone and they're bullshit need to get trashed and party all the fucking time. its stupid. i would rather sit at home alone on my couch. OH WAIT...I DO THAT ALL THE TIME. whatever. i just dont give a shit tomorrow. i could die tomorrow and i would be offended by the people that came to my funeral and pretended that they gave a shit. because right now not one goddam person has proven a thing to me. my parents care and thats all i can expect from this world. i think i'm meant to always be alone... Current Mood: crappy Current Music: dashboard "the sharp hint of new tears" (Comment on this)
5:43 pm	you don't see me at all.... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 5th, 2003
2:20 pm	oh boy... courtney, keep reminding yourself that you enjoy being alone. alone takes on so many different meanings though. why do i often feel alone and forgotten? i'm not going to sit on my phone on a saturday night calling everyone until i find something to do. i'd rather just sit at home on the couch in my jammies...alone...watching a sad movie so that i have some reason to say that i'm crying. but then again i often feel numb to the fact that i'm realizing i have no one. i think my friends forgot about me...but it must have just been tonight because they were all so busy...but why does it keep happening? i guess it doesnt matter. i dont really care. or do i? no, just tell yourself you dont. but then who were you waiting on? who the hell was gonna call you? you remember you have very few friends to count on in the first place. so then you turn to your parents. you call home, they are eating dinner and dont want the interruption. can you call back later? yeah, you'll call back later. but you dont. and they dont call you back either. sad movie is over. no more reasons to cry. so instead emerse yourself in your ocd tendencies and clean. and clean, and take the garbage out, and do all the dishes, and take the dog out, and do the laundry...but now what? everything is clean. and you're still alone. phone rings...who is it? boy. a boy. you dont want a boy remember? you have sworn off of the male species for the time being and dont want to go back any time soon. no more being treated like shit. but thats just it...he doesnt treat you like shit. not even close. he's almost too good to you. is that possible? courtney you dont want a boy...remember you like being alone now... Current Mood: blank (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, March 22nd, 2003
2:20 pm	off the heezy... so spring break was off the heeeeeezy! ha (scott and i thought we were black the entire time). it was fun though. we chilled in b-town for a few days and just watched tv and slept and ate. so that was nice and relaxing. then we went to chicago and lived it up there. the stories are insane but we had a good time. and now back in bloomington, reality sets in. i have so much work to do this week and next, not to mention this is tech week for the spring ballet which is this coming weekend, so i'll be at the theater all night every night. NOT COOL. i have so much to do and so little time. i thought i was all prepared for this stuff. nope. oh well, i'll manage. i always do... Current Mood: indifferent Current Music: turin brakes "full of stars" (Comment on this)